Dear Rude People, A Love Letter

10 Ways to Deal With Rudeness At Work

Let’s talk about rudeness at work. Because it happens. Often. And sometimes, it’s not even loud or explosive. Sometimes it’s the cutting remark. The eye roll. The derailing of the agenda with unrelated tension. The way they respond to your reasonable question with absolute disdain.

I had one of those meetings recently - the kind where the tension was palpable, even through the Zoom screen.

Before I reacted (which, to be honest, I wanted to), I paused and asked myself the question that’s helped me reframe so many difficult conversations:

– If I were being generous, what might this be about?

Maybe it’s imposter syndrome. Maybe they’re operating from fear. Maybe they’re under pressure and taking it out on the nearest moving object. None of it excuses abject rudeness. But it gives me a better starting point for how I want to respond.

So here it is - my tried, tested and survived list of how to deal with rude people at work, without letting it swallow your energy, your day or your dignity.

1. Start with silent generosity

Before you go in swinging, seek to understand first. It’s not permission for bad behaviour. It’s protection for your peace. Assume they’re struggling, not just being difficult for sport - there is something going on beneath the surface.
This shifts you from “what the absolute f*ck” to “ok, maybe there’s more going on.” You gain perspective and create space between you and the scene.

2. Be aggressively kind

This is typically one of my first responses (only learned after years of difficult meetings) They expect defensiveness. You give them care.
“Hey - are you okay?” asked with sincere curiosity (not sarcasm) can disarm the rudest of rude. They won’t expect it. It shifts the energy. You stay in control. They get a reality check. And extra points if you take it out of the group meeting and deliver it 1:1. You don’t need an audience for checking in with care.

3. Build invisible walls

Your face can stay neutral. Your notes can be tidy. Your internal voice can say: This isn’t mine to carry. You’re not a sponge for someone else’s stress. You can clock the behaviour without absorbing it. You don’t have to react externally to choose protection internally. My favourite phrase for perspective: we are not saving lives (unless you’re a doctor)

4. Hold the mirror up

When the meeting has gotten out of control; when the tone has gone to a place you can’t pull back from; when it’s almost guaranteed someone is going to cry once the meeting wraps up? Then it’s time to confront it head-on:
“Can we come back to this when the tone feels more respectful?”
This is the kind of sentence that sounds terrifying to say - until you do. Then it changes the entire temperature of the room. It says: I see what’s happening. I’m not absorbing it. But I also won’t ignore it.

5. Use the ‘professional pivot’

If you have an ongoing work stream with someone who makes you feel like sh*t and you’ve tried the tactics above and nothing is shifting, try this:
“Thanks for the chat. Moving forward, I’d prefer we keep communication through [my manager / project lead / the shared Slack].”
This is the calm version of shutting the door without slamming it. You’re signalling: I won’t be your emotional punchbag, and I’m not available for round two.

6. Don’t meet chaos with chaos

It’s tempting. They interrupt - you interrupt back. They get saucy - you one-up them. But matching someone’s bad energy doesn’t give you the win. It gives you (and the rest of the attendees) whiplash. Stay in your lane. Stay cool. It’s much more powerful. Don’t reduce yourself to their level, as tempting as it is. Retain your dignity and walk away with your head held high.

7. Check yourself

Sometimes their rudeness scratches at something you haven’t dealt with.
The comment or the eye-roll hit a nerve for a reason. Maybe it feels familiar. Maybe it triggers that old "I'm not good enough" trope. So ask: Is this just about them? Or do I need to do some self-reflection here?
Awareness doesn’t fix everything - but it softens the emotional landmines.

8. You are NOT emotional HR

Empathy is lovely - but don’t let it become your role. You can think: I get why they’re stressed. And still think: But I’m not the one who needs to solve it. You can check in to show you care and check back out to keep it professional.
Empathy with boundaries > martyrdom in a blazer.

9. Keep a lowkey paper trail

If it’s a one-off, let it go. If it’s a pattern - document. Save the email. Screenshot the WhatsApp. Write the summary of the conversation. But don’t obsess. Try eliminate the emotion. Keep it factual. Then move on. Not for revenge. For receipts. Just in case.

10. Clap for yourself

Dealing with rudeness at work is exhausting. Every time you don’t spiral, don’t explode, don’t let it ruin your week - that’s a win.
Every time you stay in integrity while holding the line - that’s you choosing power with softness.

Empathy and strength. An incredible combo.

👏👏👏